Mikey
I am a radio talk show host.
From a very young age I experienced things that are difficult for me to disscuss but necessary. I was sexually abused at 5 years of age. At around 11 years of age I was neglected and left alone for entire weekends sometimes, to fend for myself. This created a great sense of little self-worth. I never had self esteem but rather, I felt alone, worthless and ashamed.
I used to live my life in a very different way. I was morally and spiritually bankrupt. I mocked people who needed help and I hurt others on the air for my own amusement and the amusement of others. People who were weaker or more importantly, not as strong as I thought I was, were something to be joked about.
Money was very important; so was fame. My goals in life were to be a rock star. I didn’t play a musical instrument but I had a voice and did impersonations and used them both in the radio industry to become popular. I was not #1 ratings-wise by any means but my audience (almost exclusively men) was growing. I had been given an evil stack of cards and I was doing my best to build a house with them; all the while fueling my wickedness with alcohol.
In 2002, I thought I was at the height of my success. I was living in Dallas in a large home, had a great morning radio job, my show was being heard in various radio markets and I was feeling pretty good about myself. Women seemed to like me which fueled my fragile ego. My friends were in rock bands that played both small clubs and giant stadiums. People wanted to know me and I was aware of it. I was cunning and manipulative and full of hatred for almost everyone.
Then, I was fired in San Jose for making inappropriate comments on the air, my mother was having health issues and then, boom! I was fired in Dallas too.
I was out of work and desperate. I was forced to move back to San Diego and work for a more modest salary doing nights at Rock 105.3. At this point, it was Eddie (my rock), Boy Blunder (aka: Budweiser, Rick, The Fish) and I doing the show for peanuts. We were all living out of a hotel room.
God was starting to put something in my heart. He was trying to lead me to Him. I was still resistant but somehow I knew if I followed, it would be a better life. But I was scared.
I was offered the morning job at KSJO in San Jose where I would be reunited with Sky, whom I had worked with a few years before when I did afternoons for the station.
I had to explain to Sky and Eddie and Boy Blunder that something was happening inside of me and that I was giving up on some of my old ways. I told them that I would no longer be able to do the same type of show. No more strippers, sex or being cruel. Sky couldn’t be happier. Eddie and Boy Blunder were willing to go along with it but I could see they were apprehensive. I was too, and scared. It would be one thing if I was giving up the old me with a whole new plan but I didn’t have one. I literally didn’t know what I would do from one second to the next on the air. It felt like I was going to be moving to a new city with no job or any money. Luckily, I had friends on the show who trusted that I would figure it out. We took the job and God made it right. I don’t remember how it even happened but the show just came together.
I was drinking more and more. Soon, I was drinking everyday.
One Saturday morning, I got up to write checks to pay bills and my hands were trembling. As soon as I drank, the tremors went away. This was my life for the next year. There is an entire year or more missing. I was lost and had not surrendered my will completely to God yet.
Then, one night while lying in bed, I knew I was going to die soon. I was in poor health and my body was rejecting the amounts of alcohol I was forcing into it. I asked Jesus Christ into my life that night, tears streaming down my face.
I went to rehab a few months later, relapsed shortly after and then took my last drink on October 31, 2004. I married my beautiful wife, Rebecca on February 10, 2005. My son, Jacob was born on September 9, 2006.
God is forgiving and kind. He has blessed me beyond my wildest dreams and He continues to reveal Himself to me in extraordinary ways.
I no longer have a feeling of worthlessness. In fact, I have confidence today I never thought possible. I never knew confidence like this existed. I stand shoulders high as I walk, secure in the knowledge that one day, I will stand in heaven, shoulder to shoulder with kings! Confidence? Yeah, I got it now! You bet I do. My shame, guilt and low self esteem has been washed away.
Today I am happy. I never used to be. Today I have love in my heart that before, I simply was not capable of. All of this, every bit of it is because I allowed Jesus Christ to change me, mold me and sculpt me into His ultimately beautiful creation. I am in love with Him and I owe my entire life to Him.
Mikey
